One thing to think about when it comes to the original poem is that the use of figurative language is key. In metaphor, the comparison seems unlikely and unrealistic, but it's actually quite true. Your comparison doesn't do that. What would happen if you compared Walmart to something natural? See? That's what I mean. Such a comparison would inform a reader and make the reader reach to understand the comparison.
One thing to think about when it comes to the original poem is that the use of figurative language is key. In metaphor, the comparison seems unlikely and unrealistic, but it's actually quite true. Your comparison doesn't do that. What would happen if you compared Walmart to something natural? See? That's what I mean. Such a comparison would inform a reader and make the reader reach to understand the comparison.
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